Got a Bad one ?
E-mail me with it and I'll share.
A man who smelled like a distillery flopped on a subway seat next to a priest. The
man's tie was stained, clothes unkempt, and a half empty bottle of gin was sticking out of
his torn coat pocket. He opened his newspaper and began reading. Needless to say, the
priest became uncomfortable at the smell and appearance of his seatmate. After a few
minutes the disheveled guy turned to the priest and asked, "Say, Father, what causes
arthritis?" In his annoyed state, the priest retorted "Mister, it's caused by
loose living, being with cheap women, too much alcohol and a contempt for your fellow
man." "Well I'll be....." the drunk muttered, returning to his paper. The
priest, realizing the error of his comment, apologized. "I'm very sorry. I didn't
mean to be so rude. How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't, Father. I was just reading here that the Pope does."
A lady from California purchased a piece of timber land in Oregon. There was a large tree
on one of the highest points in the tract. She wanted to get a good view of her land so
she started to climb the big tree. As she neared the top,she encountered a spotted owl
that attacked her. In her haste to escape, the lady slid down the tree to the ground and
got many splinters in her private parts. In considerable pain, she hurried to the nearest
doctor. He listened to her story then told her to go into the examining room and he would
see if he could help her.She sat and waited for three hours before the doctor reappeared.
The angry lady demanded " What took you so long?" and he replied "Well, I
had to get permits from the Environmental Protection Agency, the Forest Service, and the
Bureau of Land Management before I could remove old-growth timber from a recreational
area."
Mrs. Schmidlap hires a maid with beautiful blonde hair. The first morning, the girl pulls
off the hair and says, "I wear a wig, because I was born totally hairless. Not a hair
on my body, not even down there."
That night, Mrs. Schmidlap tells her husband. He says, "I've never seen anything like
that. Please tomorrow, ask her to go into the bedroom and show you. I want to hide in the
closet so I can have a look."
The next day, Mrs. Schmidlap asks the girl, the two of them go into the bedroom, and the
girl strips and shows her. Then the girl says, "I've never seen one with hair on it.
Can I see yours?"
So Mrs. Schmidlap pulls off her clothes and shows her. That night, Mrs. Schmidlap says to
her husband, "I hope you're satisfied, because I was pretty embarrassed when that
girl asked to see mine."
Her husband says, "You think you were embarrassed...I had the four guys I play poker
with in the closet with me."